This is one weekend I will never forget. Noah and I were in Florence for one of the most beautiful weddings (our first time away from B) and my first time not breastfeeding. As hard as it was to actually say goodbye and walk away from him for the first time, I mentally prepared myself so much (aka…meditated so hard) that I was very content once I made the decision to go. I planned to pump (and dump) so I could continue breastfeeding B when I got back. I packed the highest voltage converter for my pump (and curling iron) so I was ready to go (I thought). As soon as we arrived to our hotel room in Florence I couldn’t get my pump out fast enough because my breast were ready to explode. Literally. I plugged the pump into my convertor and immediately blew a fuse. Which blew my pump.
It was a holiday weekend in Florence so there were no pharmacies open but this tiny one with only hand held pumps. I was determined to continue pumping but it was such a nightmare trying to hand pump my breasts all weekend that I decided this was all a sign from above and stopped after trying to hand pump in a café bathroom for 40 minutes. It was causing me so much stress that I decided my peace of mind was far more important than creating more anxiety in my body.
As sad as it was to loose that connection with my baby, I was so happy to have that piece of me back. I started finally feeling like myself again. I was honestly afraid I might be that mom breastfeeding my 10 year old before I dropped him off for school. Hahahaaa. But for real, I believe we get what we need and I do think I needed this to happen. This all happened when B was about 10.5 months old and I was already supplementing at night with an organic goat milk formula called Holle because I had to throw out about 20 bags of milk when I had an infection with a clogged milk duct. I continued him on the formula for evenings only until he was about 14 months old.
My biggest takeaway from this experience is 1) To always travel with a second battery powered pump for backup in the future ;) and 2) To continue to move through the flow of life and let go of what’s out of your control.